I did not have sex until I was in college for some time. And everyone made fun of me because of it too. I think I first thought about it when I saw a mostly naked cheerleader drunk in a private hallway one night, but then I met her drunken husband and thought I had escaped that one! And the blind date my school buddy seemed to keep arranging for me wanted sex too, but I had no feelings at all for such a thing on any of those dates! 

Although there was this sweet girl that followed me home after mass most Sundays, (it appeared at the time she was following me anyway, Lynn and her mother... along with a number of little brothers were always walking the same way I went after the "late morning" service). The following month she begin to walk with me up ahead... at first we were only friends. (She was about to turn 16, and although I was 17, I was already in college... I think she had about three years left to graduate high school).

I had received some great "girl" instructions from many of my college friends, (most of them had just returned from Vietnam and were in school on the G I Bill, they knew all about women, and what to do with them as you say). Sorry to also say most were already divorced, none were virgins by a long shot, and a few really "had it in" for all women, not just the ones I ask them about... (Almost all had one opinion in mind about one main truth... There were two kinds of girls, the "piece of meat" kind, and the "take to meet the folks" kind, I was told to get all I could from every girl I spent money on... Then, of course, find a virgin to marry). When I ask them about the 15 year old girl everyone said to take her number, and check to see if she was still a virgin in three years... In the meanwhile screw all the college girls I went out with by the third date or else, and stop wasting money on any others.

My best friend had given away the secret of my virginity right off the bat, when drunk one night. That caused a big problem for me anytime women were discussed, (but seldom gave me any useful information).

The "church" girl seemed quite grown up for her age, (being the eldest of many children and without a father in the home). She had one other boyfriend before but he had just left for the service and Lynn was very lonely. She had a close girlfriend named Noela that was already having sex with her lover... Lynn said that was all she wanted to talk about these days and spoke of it as a very nice thing to do. We only joked about it some, always agreeing that it was better if saved for marriage!

After a few months of walking everywhere I had by this time bought an old car and started going home to the farm to help out on Saturdays... I would always bring back many farm fresh food items every Sunday and give them to her family instead of taking raw food to my apartment. Her mother grew very fond of me for that and I normally spent the entire day with them, soon after that I spent most other free evenings as well. While in private Lynn would let me rub her "down there" and she found it to be quite relaxing, although we never did it long enough for her to reach a climax. (At the time neither of us knew the girl could even have one, although Noela had explained it was possible if trained well enough... we spoke of it as if it were a circus act, and much had to be learned to perform such an act correctly). I thought it was something you learned to do many years after your marriage, something else you worked on to improve the union.

Shortly after this Noela's mother told her she must break up with Raymond... of course they decided to run off and get married instead.          (Both girls told their mothers they were staying with each other, and met at my apartment instead. I picked up Raymond and took him to get the bus tickets, then back to my place... my roommate was gone for the weekend). We had over three hours to wait and no TV, only an 8 track player and four tapes. (This apartment was small, all one room... two single beds on one side, a couch and a stuffed chair on the other side). The wedding couple were on the couch, I sat in the big chair with Lynn on my lap... 

It was getting late and time seemed to slow down! By the time they started to make out in any serious way the only light in the room was from the four colored lamps on the eight track player. Lynn and I watch in amazement as they did different ways of sex in different colors for what seemed like hours, the tape in the 8 Track was by the Tijuana Brass... It played twice before they went to sleep. All through this we only kissed for a while, talked about other things, and were quite embarrassed by the entire happening. We later woke them up and got to the bus station with time to spare around midnight.                                                                                                                                                                                             

Many tears from the girls took place before the bus left. I dropped Lynn off a block from home and she told her mom her girlfriend had run away and she could not find her. (After school on Monday Lynn got a strange talk from her mother, as the mothers had met with some "experts" about what had happened). Her mother said she did not agree with what had been said and thought the other mother had made a mistake, driving her daughter away. She told Lynn both her and her grandmother were married by 15 and that this age was old enough to pick your man, she said she would not stand in her way during this time, but ask that she remain in school and continue to help watch the little ones at home regardless of marriage.

This family had always been poor and I was helping with all the meat and farm products, Lynn did not want to see anything change and most of our dates at this time were to church sponsored events, the rest of the time I spent playing with the boys or watching TV with the family. Through all these nice visits we became very close. (I even bought her a neat ring on time payments at the jewelry store... then the subject of my birthday came up).

The night of my birthday, (Oct 3rd 1969), Lynn wanted to cook me the evening meal at my apartment, surprisingly her mother approved, to this day I am still wondering if she may have known what was about to happen... If she did expect it I wonder why Lynn was not given some better instructions. This girl had no money at all, the only thing she said she had to give me was her virginity! (Which I do not think she really had anymore). But we talked about it the entire week before it happened, almost like planning it out, as if it was a complicated crime in progress... more than an encounter with love or anything. We discussed the various positions we had watched on the couch and decided that "man on top, woman gritting her teeth" was the best... The night arrived and the meal went off without a problem, (Lynn was a good cook), the rest of the evening was very cumbersome and awkward, it was really a case of the blind leading the blind.

To top it off she had caught a cold the day before but did not want her nose to run or sound sick or anything, so she took a "contact capsule" when she got to the apartment, one of those "once every 12 hours" kind... she took another one just before we climbed into the attic maybe only 90 minutes later! (We had figured out it would be best to hide in a safe place to do such a deed. I had prepared a soft mat on a flat surface in the attic with a flashlight... and this time we even shut that off before we removed any clothes). I had very little trouble getting it in, but did not try until after much kissing and rubbing, it went better than I thought it would and was over only a few minutes later. It was the best feeling I had ever had in my life and wanted to talk about it and thank her for letting me have such a present for my eighteenth birthday. I turned on the light and discovered she was out cold, for a second I thought I had screwed her to death or something, the last sound she made was when I entered her. She later told me she took a deep breath when it happened and held it until I stopped moving. 

She was pleased that I was so happy though, even thought she might try it again, and I always took her home right away afterwards too! BUT, was back to take her to school the following morning... People were right about one thing, once you feel that feeling you want to feel it again right away, and that "want" does not stay away for long. (For the next few weeks she let me do it every time we were alone together at any place or time, but the bed way by far her choice... I did not care, standing at the bus stop was fine with me! 

Now a friend had told me to squirt a bit of brush-less shaving cream on her before we started? This was a good lubricant, but I did not know at the time it caused her to be so numb! She never received any enjoyment from the act that I can remember, but felt no pain either... and after all, it only took a few minutes, so at the time she always said she would just put up with my lust for the time being).

Then she missed her period and we ask advice from others, even went to the library and did some research without much luck. We had a plan to have one of my socks rolled up and placed under her butt... I pulled out and came into it from then on and we figured we were OK now, after all she could only be a little bit pregnant and we had probably stopped doing it wrong just in time? (Looking back on it now I think it was mostly a case of not being very grown up in this department, you do not think bad things will happen to you because not enough bad things have even happened to anyone you know before this)... You have a strange belief that only good things happen to you if you do only good things to others, and you do all the religious stuff you have time for. (We were ignorant of some very common facts mostly)...

A month later we were even more sure and told my folks... they had a fit when we talked of marriage. She was told to go to a doctor before anything else was discussed, many other things were said in anger. Her mother was not surprised and reported she took her to the doctor the next day. Then she called my parents on a party line and told them they had nothing to worry about, Lynn was not pregnant. My parents were very upset with me and all weekend trips home came to a stop. Lynn was only allowed to see me while remaining in the house under her watchful eye after that. I was not even allowed to baby-sit alone with her anymore... the fun had gone out of the relationship entirely.

My woman-resenting "brush-less cream" so-called friend kept telling me to get that ring I was still paying for back if she from this girl. I ask and she gave it back to me without saying a word. Before long I had stopped going anywhere very often, in a few more weeks I took another job and stopped by her house even less. Several days before I went home for the Christmas holidays I noticed her mother's car outside my apartment two nights in a row, I finally went out to face her. She said she was sure Lynn was hiding at my place and she wanted her to come back home, I told her I had not seen her in a while but she did not believe it. In fact she remained several hours out there in the cold every night until I left.

I found out much later Lynn had somehow discovered she was indeed pregnant and had contacted her old boyfriend on the west coast. He had agreed to marry her and she had made it out there to him somehow at about Christmas time. I did not know anything about it until late the following summer when the now divorced husband of her friend Noela came back to town and looked me up. They had received a picture in the mail of a new baby boy, the date on it said born July 27th 1970, (Although I later lost the picture while in Korea, I remember it well, on the back it had the names Charles Glen written in pencil... Raymond said the letter to his wife at the time mentioned the sexual encounter on my couch as part of the reason for this child). He said these girls had spoken several times and that the baby was a great blessing for the couple! (It seems the other boyfriend had some genetic flaw that would be passed on if she had a child by him, one by another man was the best thing that could happen to them and they were still happily married at the time of this letter). I did not know what to think and tried to just forget about it for a while.

The following spring I was to graduate from college... having a low lottery number in the draft I did a delayed-enlistment into the Army in April. Shortly after I was watching the clean-up from a car wreck when a young boy came up to me on the street, (it was one of Lynn's younger brothers, although he had changed so much I did not even know him). He said Lynn was now divorced and living at home again, I was quite taken back by the news and did not know what to do at first. For several days I drove past and watched the house, finally I saw their car was gone and knocked on the door... Lynn answered.

She was very bitter towards me at first and would say little other than that they were both doing fine without me, she said I still appeared to be spoiled and immature. I told her I was leaving for the Army and offered her my checkbook, (her name had remained on the account, just as it had been when it was set up several years before), she declined... There was only $137 in the account at the time and I told her she could use it if she ever needed to. I never used the account again and do not know if she did either... in those days you had a monthly service charge, in a few years the money would have simply disappear on it's own, that may have happened, I will never know. I also offered her my car and she refused, I said I would put it in the trees by a farm and I did but she never took it from there. I gave it away again two years later, but by then it was not worth much, as it had sat too long. She did let me hold my son for a few minutes before saying I should go... I have never felt like such a worthless person at any time in my life, as the feeling I had when the door closed behind me on that day, I never saw her or the boy again...

The only other contact was on my wedding night several years later when I found a card from her among the others. It was just the standard wedding card and signed simply "Lynn and C.G."

I do not know what happened to her after that, when I did finally search for the house it had already been torn down and the neighbors knew nothing. They never did have a phone and I do not know what happened to any of this Lloyd family, there is no listing. I had told my wife but she has always chose not to talk of it, after my boys were older I told them and they said to try and find out more, I did but it had been twenty years... too late to find out anything.

After my wife dies I will attempt to do a more complete search on this matter if possible before I die, so my boys will know how to deal with it.

If I find out anything else I will post it here...