If it is hard... you will know!

It is hard to know for sure how your life would have turned out if you had married another, so many factors are involved. One thing I know for sure, if I had married Merri Lou my business life would have been better. (I may have been successful running one of my father's businesses, maybe we would have started some of our own, either way they should have done well). But that is not all that is important if you want to have a good union, especially sexually!

I almost knocked myself out when I met this girl, I carry the mark on my forehead to this day... (I was working in a bakery and not expecting to see such a pretty girl appear out of nowhere among those racks of bread. Others noticed her too, as she was escorted through the back before being hired, it was her first job interview and she got it). Being the only single guy there, everyone was watching for my reaction as well. I was carrying a bowl to the front when I came around a corner, almost face to face with her, she was all dolled up in some kind of sexy mini shirt type business suit with two cute long blond pigtails, almost no makeup was needed on this sweet sixteen perfect face. It was not past seven in the morning, but I had been working since 2:30... covered in flour and chocolate icing, not exactly presentable! I would have not made a favorable impression on her if not for what happened next, as I quickly turned to get away. A tall roller rack was in the hallway I ducked into, my legs moving out before I even had my head turned back the way I was going. The wife of the boss had pulled out a long pan of rolls to fill an order right at eye level and my forehead met it square just as I turned into it... it was too late to duck, I did not see it coming, I only heard it happen like everyone else did. Although dazed, I remember the moaning sound from everyone who witnessed it. Merri Lou acted like she did not notice, so did I, everyone else was busting a gut after I did not go down... As they say, no harm no foul, I did not even drop the bowl or spill any rolls, but I had to sit in the bathroom for a while and could not concentrate in school that day. (I got a mild concussion out of it and had a bad day after that... mostly trying to remember things normally easy to do! I was better in two days, the bump went down in a few more, only the scar remained).

I was trying to get over my obsession with women at this time and actually had no girlfriend I cared about at all, the thought of almost getting a girl pregnant was still fresh in my mind in fact!

Merri Lou started working that same weekend out in front, but she caused some serious trouble with the help and also many of the regular customers. She was just to easy to look at, people were always running into doors and each other, she even cost them a wedding cake before accepting a different job in the back doing the late night orders... Before long we were the night team on weekends, (two people came in at closing time to make fresh rolls for the truck stops and night crews at the hospital and other all night businesses). We rolled out the dough, cut the donuts, logs, etc... then made the cake donuts as the dough was rising. Often there was pause in the action if the orders did not have very many cake donuts on them, it was our chance to have a break and visit. Although I was not the tall/dark/handsome type this little cheerleader deserved, I had the gift of gab, and plenty of time to work it. Within the first four hour shift she was interested in me, within a month she was in love with my style, (we were both "dreamers" and had many ideas on how to save the world). She had unbelievable goals in mind for herself too... at this time she was going to be a brain surgeon when she finished college, (her mother was a nurse). I was going to electronic school learning to fix televisions, something her dad did for a living, (this made more points with him than with her, which turned out to be a very good thing for me later on). She thought I had greater potential than that, but I still had to live through Vietnam, so that would have to wait until later.

What really started the love relationship was the break in the "flour room" and me wanting to kiss her closer... We were very alone at this time, nobody could have ever found us in there. (Only two people had a key to the front door and the boss and his son both came to work at 2:30 AM, they were always asleep by now. The large flour door entering the air-tight room also locked from both sides, this was very private, something important to nice girls... And she did not know at the time I was just another wolf in sheep cloth).

Each night we would have our break with her sitting on the flour sacks and me standing... this was always the time to discuss delicate issues like love and sex, me being the "expert" at this subject! (I had just gone through a great deal of studies on this subject at the local library). After a while I convinced her we must end this discussion with a little kiss to close it. (Otherwise I would continue talking on that embarrassing subject out in the open instead of doing our normal "save the world" talk). The plan worked well, although she would always bend over and only give me a light peck... finally I did a sucking kiss with my hands holding the sides of her face, drawing her off the sacks during the motion. I moved my hands down to her waist to catch her and she pushed me away quickly, it seemed to scare her in fact.

Many years later I was told by her best friend that she had been raped in a locker room by a football player once before this, for sure she had been assaulted at least, and was very afraid to be alone with anyone much larger than she was, (which was almost everyone except me). You must remember this was in the days that such a thing was not uncommon, but never spoken about afterwards... Women were wearing very sexy clothes, often without bras or underwear, virginity was not even important past sixteen, men were more in charge too, and sex in the locker room or the workplace was demanded and expected by many. This was that time in America when men were expected to die before they could drink and women were expected to please them before they died...

After this shocking event I behaved better for our next mid-week late shift, I did not even bring up any "sex talk" or lock the flour door when we took our break, no kiss either... Played hard to get even, that is when she invited me to meet her parents! That went better than I expected, her little brother took to me fine, her mother was impressed with my ability to cook and know ingredients, her father was very impressed... (Most people cannot talk very long about the inside of a television), I also was going to be a war veteran soon, as he had been!

That same evening at work she explained the problem with me touching her waist or holding her close... She said she had left her cheerleading job because someone told everyone she had a double set of breasts. (Her mother told her the doctors said it was a somewhat common deformity when the bottom two "floating ribs" grew straight out). She said at one time they stuck out more than her boobs did as her body changed during her early years. I know now it had more to do with her small frame than anything. Of course my comment was "I must see this" and that was my second mistake... Many sessions went by without a break in the flour room, she even ask for a change in schedule for the Easter holidays and many things went wrong at the bakery... Even the business suffered for several weeks before the son and his wife talked to both of us, they got things back to the old schedule. After that I acted older, helped with her school work, attended a few school events to replace her parents who were working, and even helped her with a project at home. 

One night, out of the blue, she floored me with the comment "So you really think you need to see my boobs," and said it right before our break time... I said "No, but I would really like to feel this thing you have described, before we are no longer close enough to allow it, and while you are still such an important part of my life"... (I had practiced those words and they worked well, she almost melted into my arms, we had a nice kiss right there by the window in fact). We went into the flour room and burned the bread rolls, we stayed in there way too long... I took her top off and stimulated her nipples, also feeling those two bumps below, all the time saying how special she was and how lucky I was to have such a "one in a million" girl in my arms at this time, I did not want to let go... We probably would have burned down the bakery if I had not attempted for third base, and ended her relaxed state of mind! 

For the following year she became the only girl I ever dated that I was not getting any sexual pleasure from, I never even got to suck on her after that, she said I was too uncontrollable to ever chance that again... We really did not even date, her father was too strict for that at this time, it was more of an evening at her home once in a while, but we were very good at our planning to save the world and such... (I had a secret plan that included her too, my friends were lots of help on this one, I got all the sex I could from others, saving her for marriage after Vietnam).

The summer before going to war I went back to the farm to repair any hard feelings caused by my college years, and lock in a place for me on the farm if I returned. Up to that time our only real date was on New Years Eve, when I took her to meet my folks, she was so nervous she threw up in the bathroom a few minutes after greeting them. My father was so impressed with her he was still asking about her when I worked during that last summer... I could not explain why I didn't want to drive that far without getting any, and only said her father did not allow her to date yet. (I am not sure if he knew she was not out of high school by now, but he still thought she was the one for me, first I had to live through the war... so it was not that important).

In the meanwhile reality set in for her and her family... business was not good with the introduction of transistors in a television, they no longer needed fixed often, and if they did he did not know how! Her father even spoke of her marrying me and getting pregnant. He also tried to convince me to work for him, as I had just completed training on newer televisions. (He did not know at the time I had already joined the Army under the delayed enlistment program, even afterwards he thought it would work out in time). Merri Lou on the other hand wanted to complete college and be a doctor or someone important, not just a housewife... she still felt she should not have children due to her deformity, she wanted the "fairytale" type relationship, but she knew my family could finance anything we set our minds to and remained true to me. She had to attend the local college and live at home, even had to work full time for the extra money it cost.

In the fall I held a wild party at the home of the bakery couple we both were close friends to, although I did some very drunken-foolish______ things during those three days she stopped by morning noon and night just to give me a little kiss and to tell me to be good... I was not good! She even ask Rocky not to let me get very drunk, ask Jeanie to get rid of the booze and everyone else on the last night, so she could join us... instead something terrible happened! (A link to that page will appear at a later time in my life, if I live longer than Pam. This was as close as I came to what I know of to be called "Adultery" in the Catholic faith... And it would not be proper to discuss it while I am married... According to my wife anyway).

Merri Lou missed school to be at the airport when I left, broke her perfect record just for me I found out later... (and she came over an hour early too, only my mother was there at that time, Merri Lou was so affected by this parting she shook all over when the plane pulled up to fuel). She got very emotional and left shortly after, even my mother began to cry when she tried to say goodbye and could not make the words... It was strange, but good that it happened that way, as my another girlfriend, (the one I later married), came into the airport only minutes later. She drove for hours for about a ten minute goodbye and did not say she was coming, she had also drove for hours and looked for the bakery couple's house several days before that... She found out my departure information from my mother when she called for better directions, at this time I did not understand devotion was an important virtue in a woman, I was very immature, and was to remain that way for some time longer.

A few months later I was home for my first leave... I had learned to say the "F" word, and talked very strange about things on that subject too. (It was called a "mind-set" I think... many others were affected by it too, you remember the songs "I don't give a damn... next stop is Vietnam" and "I only want a suck... and I don't give a F#*!")... It was the mood of the entire country, but not as bad in small towns of the Midwest! (It was not as common for girls to get pregnant by men before they went to war by this time, but still very common for them to give sex away like candy). I knew this, everybody did else did too, and I played this card more than once in my travels and found it to work quite well, often even in the first hour after you met a girl. It was me that had changed the most at this time, I had lost most of my hair too and looked much different as well. After I got back home I remained in the same frame of mind, expecting way too much from those I had left behind. My main girlfriend had one date with me and slapped me twice in one night, she did not like the change that had come over me and sent my class ring back in the mail a week later... (I had even forgotten by this time what had happened to my high school class ring). I was devastated that I would have to go die in Vietnam without having a girl to spend my last Christmas with and did some serious mopping around the following week. Then I called Merri Lou and ask her if I could have one last date or something before I left, she invited me to spend Christmas night with her and her family in a town far away, I accepted... My mother was excited about the development, my father was very pleased as well, in fact he had mentioned her name when they were trying to get me back in good spirits for the holidays.

Merri Lou was working two jobs and very busy with school as well, I was surprised she even got Christmas night off as it was the busy season for waitress work. After over an hour drive from my home I picked her up at the truck stop about 2 PM and we drove to this distant town, arriving before dark... Her dad had a brother with a number of sons who were all married, it was a houseful in fact and everyone had a girl on their lap, even when we ate! Afterwards the movie on TV was about boot camp and going to war. Stripes was the name of it and the only men in the house that had been through that was the father and uncle of Merri Lou... also her "lover," (as the other married girls in the house kept calling me). She even made a soft comment to me while we were watching the movie that all the married girls did not believe her when she explained we had never had sex, and had been "dating" for over a year! I was a bit worried about what she said and was uncommonly quiet for the entire movie, even though it was about something I was very involved with at the time. On every commercial all the sons would ask the dads questions about what they had seen so far, they had been out of the service for many years and did not know sometimes... a few times people looked at me then, but I said nothing! This movie had that typical "HollyWorld" exaggeration style, boot camp was not that bad. I did not explain my feelings about it though, I was deep in thought as to why Merri Lou was still sitting on my lap, and still had my hand in hers... (Just as the movie was "coming to the good part" I snuck outside to have a cigarette, I did not know it had a very strong ending with many of the young men getting killed and all, I just wanted a cigarette).

When I returned the entire house was in dead silence, as if someone there had died, I did not know it was me! Merri Lou later said they had turned off the TV and talked about me briefly right in front of her, (as if I was "already dead" kind of talk), and the man of the house said they should have turned to the other channel and not made me sit through such a movie on Christmas night. You may remember those early days of television, two or three channels is all anyone got, only one movie a week per channel, only a good one about once a month or on holidays. All of the boys except her little brother had gotten married and would not go to war, they wanted to see this movie and now they felt bad. One of the new brides were crying and Merri Lou was about to, it was all I could do to stop catching flies with my mouth... I also remember checking to see if my zipper was down.

Then I remembered the ring! You remember the ring, the one I gave to Lynn just before she took my virginity... The ring I had made payments on while it was in a drawer at my mother's home for years... The one with the diamond and the pearl, the one that may have a spell on it! (I really do not believe in such things, but that ring was used only three times in my life, and all three times something very strange happened). It is now back in my mother's drawer for the third and final time... a very wise man once told me it should remain there until I was too old to be a problem with girls... and I guess it did, as far as I know it is still in that drawer now!

On Christmas Eve I was acting sad after presents were over, after Midnight Mass my mother ask me what was wrong and I told her I had nothing to give Merri Lou tomorrow for Christmas. She said to stop at the other truck stop before picking her up and get something, she even gave me twenty dollars, (which was a great deal of money at that time). The next morning she fixed early breakfast and spoke with my father about it, when I got up she already had found the ring and cleaned it, she even found a real ring box with velvet and everything. Later, when we arrived I was sitting on it at first, but had taken it out of my back pocket and put it under our stuffed chair shortly after the movie started. 

It was getting late and one of the couples had a small baby that needed to get home to her crib, they were quietly getting ready to leave at this time, so I figured this was a good time to break the mood and give my present. I do not know what caused the following events, but let me say one thing, it may have been divine intervention or something like it... I did not plan it to turn out the way it appeared at the time!

I got down on one knee in front of Merri Lou, who remained in the big chair, I reached under it for the box... (When I had done this others were behind me saying goodbyes and such, I did not mean to draw any attention but I did, people were still affected by the movie and somewhat saddened... in fact I think the Christmas of 1971 was a sad time for many people all over America). Merri Lou was quietly saying; "You brought a present, I told you there were to be no presents, I did not get you anything, don't do this to me"... I quickly opened the box and then found I could not get any words to come out... Her mother screamed, her dad smacked his thigh and just said "yes," every woman in the house started crying... It was terrible, and I still could not talk! She put it on her left hand and it even fit, the girls all went in another room, one man went in the bedroom with the fussy baby and the rest of them surrounded me! Within an hour it was finally decided by about everyone that she was only pearled, not engaged, I agreed with everything that was said for the entire time... I did not even see Merri Lou again until it was time for everyone to leave, and some plans had now changed. Instead of me following them back to the big city, letting her off at the exit, and returning home... I was to return to her home so she could wash her uniform and get to work early the following morning, the rest of the family was staying there for the night to discuss things or something! Once in the car I explained it was only an old ring in a new box, it was only a flawed diamond and a small pearl... I had only wanted to give her something to remember me by, I had not intended on proposing, I had even explained I now had another girlfriend who was devoted to me at times. (I think I could have confessed to killing Kennedy and she would not have heard me, she was still thinking of what the family had said to her... and still crying off and on). 

Do not ever get down on one knee in front of any girl around her family, not even around Christmas, you can change lives forever. Sometimes it is not what you say either, it is the silence that can say it for you... (At the time I was going to say the ring was just something my mother found in a drawer, but that was not good while others were listening and I was struggling to find better ones when the shit hit the fan). Merri Lou was right when she finally said "my life has now been decided for me in one hour, if I wind up not marrying you I will never have another good Christmas with that side of my family again" and this turned out more true than you would think! (Later her dad died tragically and was burned up in a car wreck as the rest of the family looked on helplessly. She never saw most of that part of the family ever again, she dropped out of college and her little brother ran away, he also die in a car wreck and Merri Lou and her mother were injured in a car wreck going to get his remains). Merri Lou was still waiting to marry me when she died over 20 years later... But that is too sad to explain in detail, at this time she had her entire life in front of her, she was not that upset with me, more with her family for "jumping the gun" as she put it. The next thing she said was the part that almost caused us a car wreck...

"You would think a girl would have some say in when some man is going to puts his thing inside of her for the first time, but not me, and to top it off, all the girl needs to do is pretend to enjoy it" was the next thing she said when I stopped talking... I had been going fast on this stretch of Interstate, it was only us and a few truckers out this late on Christmas night, I knew we had not had sex yet, but now I buried the speedometer for the first time in my life! (I was either very horny or just that stupid), it is a wonder we made it back safely. (She explained the instructions she had just received from some of her female relatives, it included the standard "Hold your legs right and it will not hurt as much" also... "If you act like you are having fun it will be over sooner" and the like). I told her it was not a big deal if she did not want to do it and if she was afraid I would be happy just to get naked with her all night in her bed. She stopped crying then and we changed the subject for a while, I also slowed down to the speed limit after a state trooper passed me going over 90 MPH! I will never know why he did not give me a ticket, he must have been in quite a hurry, or divine intervention was still in play. We got to her house and put a load of laundry in, I went right to her bedroom and got into bed. She came in and ask me what a rubber was, and if I had one just in case, I said I didn't and did not even tell her what it was. She began to do some housework, I got dressed and went down to watch her, she was very nervous...

Making love for the first time can take hours, (if you don't believe me watch new animals when they first meet), I think it took us almost two hours, a new record for me... after that it could happen in less than a minute, four months later we tried it again and it took me twelve seconds... also a new record. 16 months after that we tried it for the last time and still had no luck, we were not "equipped correctly" for it, she only said she was too shallow/small or I was too long... It was a good thing we found that out before our wedding night, we would have been miserable in bed our entire lives. (A number of times I slept overnight with her in the years to come, never once did we try to please each other sexually, I was married for one thing, and we only wanted/needed/used each other for mental comfort and moral support after that, just as we had done from the beginning, when we were more friends than lovers).

While doing the housework that night she kept saying strange things like she was talking to herself, although she knew I was following her around. She said "Why do I want to, yet I don't... if we are really going to do it we can't do it in my bed... why do we need this rubber, I just finished my period yesterday... And finally, where are we going to find a rubber this time of the night, oh my goodness, we better hurry, I have to be at work in less than three hours," I had said nothing, but I was hard for about the fifth time in one long evening!

I told her I had a fresh twenty to spare and we should go get a room, she agreed... I told her they had rubbers in the bathroom of the other truck stop she did not work at, she smiled... I told her to take her own car, go back to town and look for a motel that had no cars around, she said OK... We met in the parking lot of the truck stop, but not before almost having a car wreck between us! We took her car to the motel, she waited across the road while I got the room, we planned it like you would plan a crime! (I left a number of stupid things that happened out, all this took over another hour, and we forgot her work clothes in the dryer back at her home too).

Merri Lou was a very determined person, when she made up her mind to do something you did not change it, she was also not one for modesty once we got that door locked either... She pushed the bed into the corner against the door, pulled the pillows out and made a pile in the same corner, stripped completely in several more seconds and was in the correct position in one more. I still had my coat on... but tried to hurry the best I could after she said to shut my mouth and come closer. It was like the time with her breast in the flour room, (it took a long time to get there, but not long once she decided what was going to happen). But this time there were lights on, it was the first time I had ever seen such a beautiful naked girl in that position, I did not come closer, I came right there! (That was such a surprise to both of us and it was quite funny at the time, breaking some of the ice in fact).

I said I needed some time getting this rubber thing on and went into the bathroom, thinking it would embarrass her less I also shut off all the lights... I had never used one before and it was harder than I imagined it would be, especially on a limp dick... She even came to the door once, ask if she could help. That scared me, I knew what might happen if she saw it at full strength too, and it was now getting there... I left the light on in the bathroom and left the door an inch open so I could see a little. Her eyes were more adjusted to less light when I did come to the bed, she saw it and took a strong hold on it right away, saying only; "That is too big, this is never going to work, can't you let some air out or something"... We talked about it for a bit and she ask me how many times I had put this thing in other women, and how many women? Of course I lied through my teeth, but said it had fit fine on the other one... We were both determined to try and I told her I would go in slowly, she just said OK, letting go of it, and held me around my neck. 

We tried to get it in for several minutes without any luck at all, we had no lubricant and I was too stupid to know how to "warm her up," the sun was coming up too... I could see better, but that did not even help, we decided to do it in the bathtub, she told me someone had said it was the best place for our the first time... That worked... but was hard on her back, thinking back on it I guess it was the warm water and that little bottle of shampoo we used for bubble bath that actually worked. She did not bleed any there, or on the bed sheets later... but it was the tightest opening I was ever to penetrate. She also had strong muscles down there and was in very good shape. The area right at the opening was the tightest, a bit over an inch inside it was beginning to feel better, but still too tight to move around any. She had no reaction as I went inside deeper... until about six inches in, when she began making kind of a sucking sound and her eyes got real big... All this happened in the tub, I tried to go over seven and she grabbed my shoulders and rammed my back into the tub spout. There was some discussion following that pain and we move to the bedroom! She said maybe she needed more room to "spread out and relax" so we took some time to set the bed back into the center of the room and get under the covers... This was a mistake as we once again had trouble until I went and "shampooed" it a little, this time it kind of "popped in" right away. But I had told her to hold on to my hair and pull if I got in too deep. (She said that was the only time it really hurt much in the tub and I think she was still re-living what had happened to her during her cheerleading days). This hair-pulling was a big mistake too, as she was holding on too tight... I did not want to say anything and I did not want to hurt her either. I continued to work it about half way in and a third of the way out, but had very little feeling due to that heavy rubber. I sucked on her breasts, kissing her everywhere I could, she tried to act like she enjoyed it but I knew this kind of lovemaking was only going to be a duty for her and it was never going to work out for us in the long run. 

Size does matter more than you think! And Merri Lou was too small in frame for my size and length, which at the time was something I did not know could be a problem. (After I got overseas I was measured once by some oriental prostitutes while we were stuck in a blizzard with too much time on our hands). The length at that time was a bit less than seven and one half inches and a bit over six inches around at the rim of the head. At the time these girls said they had seen larger ones but they went and told a friend she needed to try this one on for size! She had no problem taking all of it and her frame at the bottom was smaller than Merri Lou was... I will never know for sure, but I think she may have been deformed or under-developed in the vaginal region for some reason, although she was over eighteen at the time and never grew any taller! 

I did continue to grow up though, and gained another two inches before I got married at 22! (Grow up, not out... Actually I do not know the final length or whatever), I only know it fit in all larger American women before that, and most other women until I married too. (I was never measured after that, and until I grew old it always performed fine... that was all that mattered to me and my wife). This may seem strange to some, but sex was not understood much by me for most of my life, and not as important for me as I think it is for most men. (In fact, other than a few discussions with one of my sons, I do not know any other man that truly thinks like we do... most men have more sex drive than almost any women. I also think once you end that part of your life you began to talk about it more than you ever did for your entire life, not sure... but that is the way it was for me).

The extra length problem is also normally not a problem either... I know for a fact that many women can take far more than most men have to push inside, regardless of the position. I do not even know how long I was at the most, I think it has a great deal to do with other things too! (Like how long since sex, how much stimulation and what kind, maybe other factors too, not sure... Much has been told to me from girls about this issue, but most of the talk was about the lack of length, seldom the fact that it could be too long).

One thing I do know for sure about choosing your final sex partner is that "complete" intercourse should be just that... completely inside without any discomfort, or love-making may be difficult. Many things are in print now about various positions that may get around this issue... but I continue this warning! (If you cannot face the girl and push all the way in, until you "bump and grind" as they say, without running out of room on the inside you have a problem! Actually I think only a slight bump on her upper pubic area at the end of each stroke was the most effective, otherwise... as I found with Merri Lou, there was only the constant friction of being repeatedly penetrated, and no completed stimulation of her button).

After what seemed like an hour more of senseless motion I was resting on her and noticed she was beginning to snore. I took the rubber off and crawled back on her and noticed she was still asleep. I did not have the heart to hurt her anymore or even wake her up so I just studied her body for a while. As I brushed her hair back I realized I loved her very much at this time, and I also felt bad about everything that had just happened. I dressed and walked back to my car in ten below weather, I got her some coffee at the truck stop, went back and woke her... She started right off saying she was sorry, she even said she would do something else if I would show her how. (Neither of us knew anything about oral sex or such things, she had only just heard it could be an alternative to sex if she really did not want to please me before I left for war. We had discussed it one night in the flour room and I told her then it was something you did when you paid a woman for sex, not something normal people ever did. I thought it was too degrading to do anything but joke about, so did she at that time)...

Many years later her sex life was briefly discussed only once more, while we were looking at the ocean for the first time. She said when she had her short career as a stripper she had a great deal of sex for a few months with many men. (She said several of them had to enter her from behind and she had to play with her button to have much enjoyment during the event)! She also said sex was not important to her, only to most men she had known... I did not ask her much about it right then though, it was not proper and although we had always remained friends we were normally very careful not to discuss such things... Although I guess she had discussed it briefly once with my wife and found all was well in our marriage bed, then the subject was dropped. (This actually happened many years later when she almost got married once). 

I reminded her she had clothes in the dryer, she showered and left for home shortly after, in the meanwhile I warmed up her car and the motel guy walked by us when she came out of the room with her hair all wet, for some reason we did not even care... She kissed me back for the first time in her life right then too. She later said that was when she told herself and others she would either marry me or nobody. (And that is what happened in fact). Although she did later have other boyfriends, even moved in with a few at times in her life, she "waited all her life to marry me"... and as her mother told me later, you waited too long!

About twenty years later I finally got a chance to take her to see this ocean before she died... (Something I had promised would happen no matter what during our "plans to save the world" at the bakery). I was rubbing her feet after a long day of camera work. We sat on a bed in Daytona and talked about this night many years ago... She said I would rank dead last out of her dozen or so lovers in her life, I said the same thing. She said she had always loved me after that morning, I said the same thing. She said I already had the children we needed and she would wait until my wife died before we married and got into some successful business, but that I could not and should not ever divorce my wife, she also loved her... we could wait. Ten years before that I went to her about a serious problem with my wife, (after she left me and took the kids back to her mother's home, right after we moved to the Black Hills). That was when Merri Lou spoke with her in person for the first time in fact... and she talked to her about giving me and the Black Hills another try, Pam later did... Five years before that she spent an entire night in a motel room talking about some incompatible problems we were having at the time, she saved the marriage then too... (A few other times our paths crossed, only once was she troubled, I was not much help for her though, she wanted to get married and I could not see my way to approving of him, I was right too, she said he later died in her arms... with a needle in his arm). She never did get enough money to finish college and waiting on tables in a restaurant was the most she ever made for income during her life. 

That video shoot in Daytona was the last time I spoke with her too, not long afterwards Merri Lou had a heart attack on her way to table 12 at the Country Kitchen, (about a block away from the motel we had that strange sex). A friend later said all he could remember was that she had seven steaks on her tray! Also that her boss could not believe someone could die from a bad heart at the age of 43... Several years later, when I heard about it, I found her grave and placed some flowers... some more of me died then too!