She spoke seven languages and could read and write in five of them, also she played the guitar, read music and could really sing. I loved her dearly... She must have loved me too; she gave her live for me!

I was trying to kill her too, luckily nothing bad happened that day! 

The only reason it did not was because she whipped around and lost her hat, I then knew it was a girl and I could not do it.

We called a truce and got to talking, she figured out I was not her enemy and we were off to a good start. I hid her out and helped her get some fake papers, I was not sure at first if she was not an enemy, as she spoke their language very well!

I felt responsible for her though, and as I got to know her better I fell in love with her mind… (Don’t laugh, that is what I told my best friend and he thought it was real funny, saying I was too young to know what real love was).

We spent a few months together, night and day, and then made love one morning. It was good love, the kind you know when it happens that it is good and lasting, the kind where you have special feelings, both before and afterwards.

(This may seem wicked of me, but I kept a "little black book" on girls I had "loved," and made notes, or as some would say, I rated them).

She was about girl number 20 that I had made love to, but only the third one that everything fit fine and worked well, on my part anyway… She did not enjoy it and I was very worried about that, until I found out the reason. She did not tell me why until we walked to the mountain to marry… (this walk was the longest walk of my life, it took all day each way)!

It was done exactly the way it should be, according to the faith she liked the best, so I did it with her, but it took us two days, and we were too tired to seal it with sex, as was the custom.

This woman was Russian/French/Japanese, and quite a lady, also almost the same in size, weight, and height… 5’ 8"… 150 lbs, 35-24-37… OK, I guess the measurements may have been different! (And I was still growing at the time too, I was about 5’ 7" and 145 maybe by then).

I learned many things from this wise person; she had learned them from some of the smartest people on earth, in a number of countries. (Very much retracing the path Jesus took 2000 years ago, with a number of other stops, she chose a different way for religion, mostly because it was the most correct way of the Japanese half of her mother, also she said because of the very interesting teachings of this Buddha faith). I was OK with it, even thought some of it was less correct than what I was taught as a Catholic, (I felt at the time anyway). She was going to join my faith when we got to America, but we would get married first in this country, under their customs, so we could have a "true" life together… also, I thought we would have better and stronger sex.

After another six months together I was going to bring her to my side of the world. Then we would try to go to some of the places she had been to before, I thought I would learn more from these "mountain top monks" and others she learned from! Then we could know how to raise our children, or at least how not to, and let them learn from us…

She was very wise, like some of those people who sit up on the mountaintops and think about things all the time in some of those foreign countries. (Mostly those with the yellow and olive skin colors, you know, the ones the American people are trained to kill most of the time). That was one of the most important things she talked to me about at length, it was important you see, not to kill colored people. As my sister once said, colored?…_______ what color?… we are all colored! Meyja said there were a total of 7 seven colors so we could stay divided, yet united. I will not go into that in great detail, it is very hard to understand, and most people do not have enough information in the mind to put it together in a way that will make sense anyway. I am still trying to figure out some parts of what she taught me, and I have already spent over 35 years thinking on it to date! I will only say this, learn a person and learn them well, learn first of their heart, then their mind, then all other parts of their body. The inside first, (the color of the very outside... the part touched by the sun, is the last part to study), and don’t waste a great deal of time with it either, it is the least of the important parts of this body! She told me about this while she showed me; in fact, it is when we made love for the first time. "First, look at my skin where the sun shines on it, it is brown… I have another part that is more brown, I will not show you that part… it is not for you too see, only the medicine people… Now look at the skin that is not touched by the sun, it is white, even blue in places… Now look in my mouth, and see it is red, I have another part that is more red, I will not show you that part… it is not for you to see, only the husband," this is when I lost control and changed the subject! She was a very nice person, and was about 23 at the time, and not a virgin. We had sex because she said it was her duty to relieve me when I lost control, that was also part of her teaching. If I had been brought up the way she had I would have not lost control right then either, that was too bad for both of us, but it did not hurt our relationship, it just did not help it!

She did fall in love with me after a while, especially after I did not try to ask sex of her after I saw she did not share the wonderful feeling I got from it. (By this time I had learned that sex was to be looked at as a gift, not as some kind of requirement for living).

Later she told me the "rest of the story" on the way to the mountain, by this time she was feeling much better about sex and we had done it once again slowly! But this time, sharing that "thing that you do" feeling, and I felt she loved me at least as much as I loved her!

This was a time of total truth in my life. All the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, the "set you free truth," what you must do on the way to your wedding kind of truth!

I was shocked at what she told me, and afraid to have sex with her after that, we only did it when she wanted and needed it from then on! The story is very cruel and not for child minded people, read on with caution.

First, her virginity was lost in Paris, that was OK, I told her about Lynn, that was OK, well, not OK, but she said we could try to repair some of the damage when we got enough money! I told her of my first love and she said too bad for both of us, and asked what I had learned! I ask her about her first love and she said she did not have true love yet, only love from necessity, I was hurt... but then she taught me about real hurt.

She was one of three daughters of either the Japanese or Chinese Ambassador to the UN or something... At the time staying in the Tokyo Hotel in Seoul, Korea… There had been an assassination attempt on Pac Chun He, (the president)… Her father, (it was falsely reported), was said to have spoken with someone involved with this incident. She said he was loyal and was not really involved, but was worried, and they were packing to go hide when it happened. Soldiers came in and killed her father after much torture. He told them all he knew to save his family, but he did not know much of anything and they were mad, mostly because her mother had killed one of the men by this time. Then they started on the mother, screwing her in all openings, all at the same time, while placing knives in her in various places. She was then "gutted" and died like her husband, with her insides all over the floor in front of her. Then they started on the youngest girl, first by taking her virginity, then by running a knife all the way in and raising it up as they pulled it out. Then it was Meyja’s turn, she told me without remorse that she had undressed and helped them all she could. The first man told the others she was not a virgin and they turned her around, pushing her down on a table, having "rough evil sex," in the wrong place. After they were finished they place a knife in her butt and left it as a message. This part she did not explain very well but I guess many other bad things continued to happen.She said the pain had made her pass out and they must have thought she was dead.

She said she woke up before anyone came and got the knife out without much difficulty. She found everyone in her family was dead, along with one of the men who had done this… (She said she was in a hurry to get out of there, but took the clothes from the soldier to hid better). Later she went to several friends, but nobody would help her much, they were all too afraid. She had no identity card and could not escape the country. (Although she did not go into this part of her life in much detail, saying only that she was able to live only by stealing and occasionally even by trading sexual favors for security). She was still on the run when I came across her and said she was glad she did not kill me. I was taken back somewhat by this, but had witnessed the same thing done by Americans before, so in a way it did make sense. I was also very understanding about why she did not enjoy sex "on demand" too, and was very careful not to watch her undress or bend over naked after that, so I could control my yearnings better. Sex was not important from that point on, holding the body close while falling to sleep was more enjoyable for her most of the time, more sex would come later, I was hoping. That was when the worst year of my life really started.

I had written to my family, saying I was planning to marry, and wanted a fast Catholic wedding in the summer while on leave. The letter I received was not what I had expected, especially what my dad said about me marrying a foreign girl, and especially when we were at war with the "yellow" people, as he assumed she was!.

We had tried to buy her more papers to get her visa and that was also a mistake, they were closing in on her, she would be dead soon she feared. (It is a long story, but briefly it comes down to what she had witnessed, and the fact that she was part Russian). It ended with her finding that letter in my stuff while she was looking for paperwork to do my taxes. This was during the cease-fire over the New Year's holiday ending 1972, a bad year for all American GI's. (I like many others, was on duty around the clock that day).

She took the lid off our charcoal stove, I had almost died like this once, and it is a long a painful way to die ______. She knew this too, and took all the pills in the hooch a few hours before that, as she was about to fall asleep from the drugs she removed the lid. (The drugs would have killed her anyway, we had some "good stuff" we got on the black market, the stuff for pain that had coke in it, also some with opium, and another bottle of something I got for her infection… She was still having trouble when she ate meat or "roughage" type food, and had to go to the bathroom from the "brown" part). During that moment she drank an entire jug of "Mocklie," too, (a very strong liquor that would make you very drunk very fast)… I think she only took the lid off of the stove to make sure the act was complete.

She had written a letter too, one side for me, the other side for our hooch-maid. I still have the letter in a box at my grandmother’s house but could not find it when I looked. (My brother will find it before they tear down the house, he promised me that). It did not say much on the other side, and I have never had it translated correctly so I am not sure what all it said, the girl was not able to control her emotions very well as she translated that part to me, I remember very little about that part of her final message.

My side had several instructions: "Go back to America she said… and every time I wanted to speak up, but was afraid, to think of her. And if I was right, to speak up any time I could, for every wrong," and speak until it was made right. No matter who was hurt, (only if they were wrong and if they were hurting others). And if I was hurt it did not matter, it would be made right in the end, which is what was the most important thing! She said to move to those beautiful Black Hills I described to her if I could not get along with my family! Although she said family was very important, and to try to get along with them first. She said if possible she would come back as a deer and try to find these hills if she could, and maybe even find me if possible. I was to go on and find another love that could love me more than she did, and mostly to get someone my family loved too!

There were a few other things about answers to some questions I had ask her that had not ever been answered completely, mostly about my faults. And then a sweet goodbye that made me cry and a poem that was in a song she wrote for me. The rest on the back I do not remember, it was not that long anyway. This letter was written on the back of a list of my likes and dislikes that she had started long ago in another language. A few things were added to it as a message to the servant, so that I could get through this with less pain. That servant girl took very good care of me after that, but I could not enjoy sex with her and there was a very heavy feeling in my heart for a long time afterwards… (In fact my heart became numb soon after that I think).

Do not judge me too badly for being with her, I was beside myself most of this time, and almost dead with grief. By the time I recovered enough to want to live I was damaged by drugs,_____ and not responsible for very little that happened at the time. I think she felt she had failed Meyja, and may have taken her own life as well, I do not know. I left her anyway after a very short time, mostly because I did not fit inside of her and did not want to hurt her or anyone else. I told a friend this was the second girl I had killed in 1973 alone, and we were all only about half way through a bad year for most everyone on earth... He just told me to suck it up!

There is more to this story but I must wait until my wife and father are dead to open the folder and tell you the rest of it. Someday you will see a link appear here____. And then you will know "the rest of the story," it is a very sad story, and a valuable lesson in life!

I did however later move to those Black Hills, and one time in my life, about ten years ago, I felt like she was reaching out to me again. It was probably nothing, but here is what happened… I walked home about 3 AM each morning, I was working close by, (right then seven days a week). One morning I was coming up a long set of stairs close to our house where there is a steep incline with a few trees. I saw a deer and softly said "Meyja," something I always did whenever I was close enough to a deer that they could hear me. (It may seem strange, I do not know why I do this, I just always have since coming here after the war. Also I am very fond of all life and I will not hunt with anyone because I cannot stand to see deer killed anymore! Anyway, this time the deer came towards me, as close as it could get to me below the step I was on. We just looked into each other’s eyes until someone started up the stairs below us, then it ran off. (It was quitting time for the night shift, several others walked the same way I did, this encounter I wish had been longer). It happened two more times that same week but not as close, she stayed under the tree, then never again! I do not know if it was just me wanting it to be her or not, and I am still wondering about that. The other thing that confuses me a bit is that it was not a "she," it was a buck, and normally they are very wild and never come up close to you.

I place this kind of thing in the "heavy mystery" category, the kind of things you get answered when you die, but only if you have been "good"…

I have always hoped that with the Internet and people being able to find anyone... maybe someone who knows more about her would write to my wife at impam@msn.com